Verkhovensky’s Internals

Via Fail Blog.

_DSC8995.jpg, originally uploaded by dogseat.

 I used to have this doll as a child. Always loved it.

You totally suck at Photoshop. It’s true, so take advantage of this tutorial. You’ll use distort and layering effects to stick it to your slutty ex-wife - and you certainly have one of these, because no one can stand a loser who sucks at Photoshop for very long.

Thanks Boing Boing.

Update: You Sucjk at Photoshop II

Really funny, tongue-in-cheek site God is Imaginary lists 50 ‘proofs’ to comedically establish God’s non-existence. I haven’t read the whole site (and won’t - I have other things to do…), but proof #39, “Realize that Jesus was a Jerk,” made me laugh out loud repeatedly. It’s not that the writing is terribly funny in itself, but the hilarious absurdity of straightfacedly calling Jesus a ‘jerk’ over and over again made me break down.Here is a gem from the proof, which accuses Jesus of being both a jerk and an idiot (harsh!):

Have you noticed that in many cases Jesus is childish and emotional, rather than thoughtful? People who act like this are jerks. Here’s an example from Matthew 18:7-9: 

“Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.  

This statement is totally ridiculous on several different levels. First, something like a hand cannot “cause you to sin” — your brain causes “sin.” Every intelligent person knows that. Therefore, gouging your eye out or cutting your hand off is useless. If you have a problem with “sin” and you are going to amputate something to solve it, you would need to amputate your brain, since that is where all “sin” originates.But if you think about it further, you realize that Jesus has completely missed the actual remedy. If you are having a problem with unproductive behaviors, what you need to do is either educate or rehabilitate yourself. You would do that by talking with a counselor or seeing a therapist. Amputation is an absurd prescription, as every intelligent person knows. Jesus is not only a jerk — he is an idiot. He dispenses advice that is completely useless, and recklessly dangerous as well.

There are a number of other great jabs at the Son of Man in the piece. I recommend wasting a few minutes to read it and browse through the other proofs. As Mark Twain quipped, “Against the assult of laughter nothing can stand.” 

tags technorati : Jesus, funny, anti-Christian

Unless especially entertaining or informative, I don’t appreciate unsolicited jokes or otherwise arriving in my email account. It actually makes me a little nauseous that forwarding an obscure link or some banal picture of a wet kitten passes as communication among intelligent individuals.

Nevertheless, on occasion, invariably under that alcoholically inspired and conscience deadening influence of spiritual kinship, I fail to resist blindly throwing such an impersonal shout-out to a horde of degrading email contacts myself. I’m happy that the Internals now provides somewhat of a buffer for this foolish behavior.

From xkcd.

tags technorati : xkcd, comic, humor, photoshop